Eliezer Perlow talks about butterscotch, being introverts, and why connecting with old friends makes him happy.
Eli Perlow is a masters of psychology candidate, currently interning at East Village Community Access
- Eli Perlow is a masters of psychology candidate, currently interning at East Village Community Access.
- Eli really enjoys the taste of butterscotch. As a child, his dad would make butterscotch pudding, and his favorite part has always been the skin that forms on top. Butterscotch reminds Eli of his childhood in Saint Louis, Missouri.
- What makes Eli happy? He is an introvert; he likes going to parties and socializing, but at the end of the experience he drained. Conversely, when he has a one-on-one interaction, especially catching up with old friends, he is energized. Even though he is no longer as religious as he was growing up, catching up with old Yeshiva friends always makes for a great connection.
- Eli and Bernardo exchange notes on being introverts who like to connect. Long story short: introverts can socialize and they can do it well, but they recharge better on their own while extroverts charge with other people. Jung states that we are meant to recharge and expend energies, we can’t just recharge indefinitely.
- Eli finds that meeting with one or two people works well, but once it gets to more than three it’s harder to connect and make meaningful connections.
- When Eli is getting ready to catch up, he feels a mix of excitement to reconnect and anxiety over how different they are now. But once he connect, he is happy to catch up and relieve the good old days. The Maharal of Prague said that a good friend is someone who you don’t see for 20 years and can still connect.
- Eli recently connected with an old friend, and he felt it went well and that they both had a good time, but after that he got an email where his friend said there was an elephant in the room they hadn’t addressed. Eli believes his friend meant the fact that Eli is no longer religious the same way he used to be, while his friend is. Eli comments that we can only see things through our own experience and can’t necessarily project onto other’s experiences. We only experience the world through our own senses.
- As a psychology student, Eli’s knowledge of psychology sometimes can change the way he thinks and processes. However, a lot of the knowledge related to personality types are somewhat harder to test, and don’t necessarily make it into Eli’s practice. Using a lot of jargon can intellectualize one’s experience, which can inhibit self-discovery. On the other hand, when used for self-understanding, it can be very helpful.
No one is a true introvert. No one is a true extrovert. Just like there isn’t an average person. We shouldn’t use terms and jargon to reduce a person’s experience; we are more complex than that.
- Eli went to a Yeshiva that was more progressive and allowed students to go to a nearby school a couple of nights a week to get their secular degrees. Eli wasn’t ready to do so at the time, but he was happy to be in a place that had this vision. When he went to yeshiva in Israel, his studies were more dogmatic, and he was seen as a threat for talking about his previous experience. Eli expressed that he was an introvert and he felt his view was invalidated because he was perceived as boisterous.
- When a relationship ends, Eli is able to look back and see the red flags and analyze what happened.
Links / Read / See / Hear
From Eli: email
Jason Zappolo for editing and mixing this episode; follow Jason on instagram.
Orly Margulis for social media support; follow Orly on linkedIn.
Rocío Castañeda for ongoing support; follow Rocío on instagram.